The Interior Struggle with grace

“The grace of God cleaves a man in two.”  Theophan the Recluse in The Art of Prayer, p. 141

According to Theophan, when grace is poured into our hearts and souls, it automatically creates a division in us between the way we are, and the new direction towards which grace impels us.

There are several ways we can experience the division in ourselves if we take an honest look at those parts of ourselves which we would prefer to be hidden from God (which, of course, is impossible).

Consider, for example, our habits, our ways of thinking, our reluctance to forgive a certain person, the trivial pleasures and treasures we hang on to, passions which dominate us, impurity, a tendency towards any of the seven deadly sins. Theophan calls all of these things unnatural, while the grace within us is gently (or sometimes forcibly, as it did with Saint Paul) leading us to what is natural; that is, to what is pleasing to God, to what gives us true lasting pleasure and joy, to what adds depth to our character and to the attitudes, our outlook on life and our aspirations. He sees the ungoing work of grace in our lives as a struggle between what is natural and what is unnatural.

Grace doesn’t simply drive the “unnatural” away as if by magic. This is how he describes the struggle:

All the other parts (i.e., the unnatural) are still help prisoner and do not want and cannot be obedient to the demands of the new life: the mind as a whole does not yet know how to think in a new way but thinks as before; the will does not yet know how to desire in the new way, but desires as before; the heart doesn ot know how to feel in the new way, but feels as before.

The same is true of the life of the senses, of purity and impurity and of behavior that belong to the “old way” which still cling to us so closely that oftentimes we are unable to recognize them for what they are.

I mentioned St. Paul because the story of his conversion is one of the readings at Mass today. He, of course, was knocked off his horse by a bolt of lightning. For us, the process is usually a bit more subtle.

It seems to us, however, that Paul’s conversion is complete in a flash of light. But that is not necessarily true. Yes, he came to understand a lot about Jesus, and he became a fervent preacher right from the beginning, but I suggest that if you read the letters of Paul in light of what Theophan said above, you might actually discover that certain character flaws remained with Paul throughout the years of his ministry—and Paul would be the first to admit it.

So don’t give up on yourself. Pray that you might see how grace is leading you to life, pray that you may see what in your life is resistant or  “unnatural,” and always beg for the grace to respond to the graces that God sends you on a daily basis.

God bless you.

Hope in God alone

Advice from the Russian Orthodox mystics is probably something you heard or read before, but if you are like me, you need constant reminders and encouragement. So I offer you little summary of the writings of Theophan the Recluse (1815-1894).*

What is essential is that you lay all your hope in God. When it comes to the spiritual life, you cannot obtain anything on your own, and all your efforts and good works will not help you reach your goal of union with God unless and until He grants it to you. This takes so much pressure off of us. All we need do is pray from the heart, ask for what we seek, and continue praying until God grants it to us. The Orthodox Fathers particularly recommend the Jesus Prayer as a constant mantra; Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me.

It is possible to say the prayer so often that eventually it arises in your heart almost automatically, but it is important that we not say it mechanically and without meaning. Theophan quotes the wonderful lines from Psalm 37:3-4, If you trust in the Lord and do good, then you will live in the land and be secure. If you find your delight in the Lord, he will grand your heart’s desire.

He speaks of the acquisition of virtue in the same way. A man who suffers from the vice of anger, he says, may by his own efforts acquire some control over it. “. . . how far will he get by his own efforts? No farther than outward silence during bouts of anger, with only such quelling of the rage itself as self-control can afford him. He can never himself attain the complete extinction of his anger and the establishment of meekness in his heart. This only happens when grace invades the heart and itself places meekness there. **

The same is true of every virtue and spiritual quality. We must seek earnestly, but realize that our own efforts to bear fruit will come to nothing. We must put all our trust in the Lord who will give us what we desire so earnestly.

I don’t know about you but I find this very encouraging and consoling at the same time. There is no reason to get impatient or even hate myself because of a particular weakness I may be trying to avoid. I can’t get it by my own efforts only. Now that doesn’t mean that I should not bother to try. I must keep trying, knowing that the ultimate victory will come when the Lord grants it to me.

In a way, the pressure is off about this and about so many other things.

Undoubtedly you will hear more from Theophan in the days to come as I continue to may my way through his writings.

May the blessings of the risen Lord descend upon you and keep you in all your ways.

*I discovered his writings in a book named The Art of Prayer: an orthodox anthology compiled by Igumen Chariton of Valamo.

** p. 112

Catch the grace

Catch the Grace

Grace floats by,  humble and free,

   and renders itself so easy to un-sense.

But if we open for it, we can

   see it hovering near

   as on the wings of an angel.

   It only takes a quick  glimpse from a soul bowed down,

                a glimpse of the light

                extinguished not by the darkness

                of desires

                                raging from the realm of the lost.

Reach beyond your fear to catch it

   and there! it rests in your soul’s hand

                allowed by your allowing,

                accepted by your accepting,

brought to life,

embraced,

nourished,

empowered not by your impotence

but by the fertility of God

   Who through love gave life

and Who can do it again,

   even in us who have willed not creation, but destruction,

                not life but death,

                not heaven but hell.

© 2016, Bede Gary Camera, O.S.B.

Where you are weakest, there is God

“You know, Father, my life is going along pretty well. I’m trying to lead a virtuous life and in almost every area, thank God, I’m succeeding. But there is this one thing. A weakness I have. I’m tempted so often to give in to it, and sometimes, I must confess, I do, and then immediately hate myself afterwards. And it’s then that I feel so far from God and feel that He might actually give up on me. I try so hard, but I just can’t overcome it.”

How would you answer him?

I’ll tell you what I had to say: “You’re talking about the weakest part of your life, the most negative thing you have going on, this one thing that overtakes everything else and makes you feel  not worthy of God any more. But don’t you see? It is at that particular point—at that one area where you are most helpless and most weak, that God comes to be with you and shower you with his love and compassion. That is what he does for you, for me, for all of us.”

And I say to you: Don’t be afraid of those dark and weak parts of your life. Don’t think you have to get rid of them or get them fixed in order for God to love you. God accepts everything---every single aspect of our being, the negative as well as the positive, and where we are weakest, that is where his grace (and by grace I mean love and compassion and forgiveness) is strongest.

And do you know what else? In some way that will one day be clear to you, God will use everything in your life for His own good purposes. That’s right. Everything. Just think of King David, the inspired poet who gave us the Psalms, many of which are love poems to God. At the weakest point in his life he was guilty of adultery and murder. And he finally admitted his guilt (see the reflection a while back about Psalm 51), and he was punished for it, but God did not give  up on him. And he will not give up on your or me, either.

By the way, I’m reading a wonderful book called Things Hidden: scripture as spirituality by Richard Rohr. That book inspired today’s reflection, and I suspect you’ll be hearing more about it as time goes by. But if you’re looking for some good spiritual reading for Lent, this might be just what you’re looking for.

God bless you. In your strength and in your weakness.

Hear Him call you by name

I found a hymn that is meant to be sung to accompany the story of the Prodigal Son (which is the Gospel passage for the 4^th Sunday of Lent, Year C).

As you probably have noticed, I base a lot of my reflections on hymn texts, since I am a musician, and since I believe that a great many hymn texts are good teaching tools and provide a poetic interpretation of good theology.

The first verse of the hymn is as follows:

Our Father, we have wandered and hidden from your face;

In foolishness have squandered your legacy of grace.

But now, in exile dwelling, we rise with fear and shame,

As, distant but compelling, we hear you call our name.

(Kevin Nichols, 1929-2006 © 1980, ICEL. Used with permission.)

The whole text could be a prayer uttered by the Prodigal Son when he was still wallowing in a misery he had created for himself (do we do that sometimes?). In fact, the second verse mentions calf and robe and ring.

By praying the hymn text, we become the Prodigal Son. We have foolishly squandered our legacy, a legacy filled with blessings which we did not receive because of our own stubbornness, ignorance and misdeeds. Oh, what our lives might have been like if we had been open to all of the graces that the Lord has tried to send us! Oh, what our lives might become if we remain open and faithful from this point on and waste nothing of what we have been given. The prophet Isaiah cries out to us, Why do you spend your wages on what fails to satisfy? (Isaiah 55:2) and then he exhorts us: Eat what is good and delight yourself in abundance.”

I also hear an echo in this poem of the plight of Adam and Eve, hidden from God because they realized they were naked, and then thrust into exile. Are we in exile as well? And how is it that we are in exile?

The Prodigal Son, while lost in his sinfulness, still hears the faint voice of his father calling for him. The voice is distant but compelling, the hymn says. I am reminded of John the Baptist in prison and how Herod found something compelling about his preaching, but was afraid to draw near and heed. Is the Lord trying to say something to us which we are not ready to hear?

But yet, God is calling us by name, and continues to call us by name until at last we let go and surrender ourselves into his arms. The Son felt fear and dread about what his fate would be. We have no reason to fear. Christ died for us while we were at the lowest point in our lives, that our sins might be wiped away in his blood. What do we have to fear other than our own resistance?

God bless you.  

You don't have to do it by yourself

From the Rule of Saint Benedict:

What is not possible to us by nature, let us ask the Lord to supply by the help of his grace. (Prologue:41)

I remember an old monk who often said, “All is grace, brothers, all is grace.”

Think of it: How have you gotten to where you are at this point in your life? Assuming that your own situation is good, and not lost in the mire of evil, we have to ask, “Did you do it with your own powers? Did it all depend on you alone? How about those times when God truly lifted you up and helped you to break through your own natural limitations to say or do or think something that you never would have dreamed you could say or do or think?”

In this passage, Benedict is consoling the monk who, having come to terms with what God is expecting of one who would be able to dwell with him “in his tent,” is tempted to turn away, knowing full well that what is asked of him is going to demand that he triumph over his own state in life, his natural tendencies, his weaknesses, his sinfulness, his resistance, his hesitation.

Think of the story of the young rich man who asked the Lord what he needed to do and the Lord told him to sell all his possessions and give to the poor and then come and follow him. Do you remember that the young man “turned away sadly” because he didn’t think himself capable of doing what the Lord asked of him? His richness, and his clinging to it, was a barrier that he didn’t think himself capable of surmounting. And he was right. By himself, he could not make the leap into a new life, and he didn’t seem to realize that he wouldn’t have to do it on his own. And so he turned away. (Matthew 19:16-22)  I guess he didn’t know the psalms well enough. Psalm 18:

You, O Lord, are my lamp,

my God who lightens my darkness.

With you I can break through any barrier,

with my God I can scale any wall. (Psalm 18:29-30)

(I love it when we pray those verses at Morning Prayer!)

What makes you or me turn away from what God is asking us? Why do we hesitate? What do we resist? If we could only realize that at all times God’s love and grace are within us and that we can turn within to claim the power he gives to us, a power that we don’t necessarily deserve! Never forget that: Grace is not something you earn: it is a freely given gift from God.

We forget this so easily, my friends. We simply forget. We try to do too much on our own.

Stop it. Claim the grace that is there for you, especially during any moment of challenge or trial. What is not yours by nature, let God help you with his grace.

God bless you!

What stifles the graces we are given?

The parable of the sower (Mark 4:1-20) can be applied to our own personal spiritual journeys and our ability to accept and act on the graces that God gives to us.

A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and the birds came and ate it up.

Some of the things that God wants to tell us don’t get to us because we simply are not ready or because our ears are closed. The noise of the world buries the Lord’s grace because his grace and only be received in silence.

Other see fell on rocky ground where it had little soil. It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep. And when the sun rose, it was scorched and it withered for lack of roots.

How many times have we formed good intentions in immediate response to grace, but we don't we don’t take the time to let the graces sink deep within us, and they wither the next day.

Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it and it produced no grain.

What are the thorns in our life that inhibit or distract us from cooperating with the graces we are offered? Jesus talks about the care of money and the cares of this world. It’s difficult to move from a meditation or a reflection back into the world and still hold on to whatever insights the Holy Spirit has sown in us.

And some seed fell on rich soil and produced fruit. It came up and grew and yielded thirty, sixty, and a hundred fold.

There are times when the Spirit has left us completely open and ready to receive. And the word or insight that comes to us strikes a note deep within us, we cultivate it with reflection and meditation, we water it with prayer and gratitude, and wonderful things begin to blossom and bloom in our lives and in the lives of others.

God bless you!

The way to heaven is opened for us.

The Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception

We continue with the fifth verse:

O Come, O Key of David, come,

and open wide our heavenly home;

Make safe the way that leads on high,

And close the path to misery.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to you,

O [Israel].

The conception of Mary in the womb of her mother Elizabeth is the definitive moment in salvation history when the Key does, indeed, open for us the way to heaven. Grace has totally conquered sin. Concupiscence is wiped out, along with all the various unhealthy ways we have of coping when we perceive that our basic needs for security, control and esteem are not being met. Addiction cannot take hold. The supernatural enemies of the human soul are bound and cast into hell at the conception of this one, spotless, completely pure and holy girl who is meant to become the Mother of God and the Mother of us all.

We, of course, suffer from the ravages of original sin, concupiscence, and unhealthy coping mechanisms, not the least of which are major and minor addictions which do lead us along the path to misery.

When we need to make choices about our present, we can look to the Blessed Mother and ask the way we should go. We must always be aware that to some extent, we are “flying blindly” as we make our ways through life. We don’t always know which is the way that leads to God; are are sometimes tragically ignorant that there is a path that leads to misery while our senses and deluded minds are convincing us that it is that  path that is the right way to go.

Consider, if you will, the definitiveness of this verse: one way is opened—not only opened, but “opened wide.” Another way is closed. Would that were true for us now. Unfortunately it is not. What this verse offers us is an incredible promise of what Christ comes to bring to us. Let’s seize the promise and live in the hopeful space that our deliverance is near at hand. Often, we will experience it here and now in our lives. Other times, it may be just a bit beyond our reach . . . for now. But let us hope.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Wisdom at Work

Wisdom, part 3

This is the third of a series of reflections based on the hymn “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.” The series began on December 1.

“ . . . and teach us in her [Wisdom’s] ways to go.”

Something’s been going on in my life the past two weeks that I thought I needed to address, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I actually had several options to choose from. Meanwhile, I’ve been writing these reflections on Wisdom and as result I’ve been asking for guidance in my prayer and meditation, knowing full well that the way of Wisdom was not necessarily the way I would choose if left to my own devices.

So I prayed, and waited. God gave me the grace not to do anything at all about the situation until I was able to pray with conviction: “teach me in her ways to go.”

So what happened? Yesterday afternoon  I was with one of the people involved in the situation, but chose not to say anything. Instead, I found myself acting in a way I never would have predicted, and as a result, simply by being with the other person and practicing compassion and gentleness was all that was needed to bring relief to something that could have been tense and full of confrontation.

This was a truly graced moment. It is important to stress that none of the solutions I had come up with on my own were applied to the situation. Something entirely different and unexpected proved to be the key to unlock the door to resolution.

God’s ways are not my ways. But because I was given the grace to surrender to his Wisdom, and to lay aside my own limited point-of-view, I was able to witness Wisdom at work. And not only did the situation benefit, but I benefitted as well. And I hope you can benefit from my telling this story.

Blessed Advent to you.

Different gifts for different folks

Note: I am having minor surgery tomorrow and will not be posting reflections for a few days. Pray for me, please. 

Saint Paul to the Romans: “each of us has gifts according to the grace given to us.” (Romans 12:6)

A few comments:

·         Each of us. No one is excluded from this economy of grace. If you think you have no gifts, ask the Lord to open your eyes to see what he has given you. If you think someone else has no gifts, or regard someone as useless, again, ask the Lord to open your eyes.

·         Has gifts. Don’t think materially, in terms of possessions or products of consumption. The best way to recognize a gift is to visualize how it can be used for the good of others. Some people think they have no gifts because they are lazy or selfish. Having gifts entails a responsibility. “To whom much is given, much will be expected.”

·         According to the grace given to us. Remember that grace is not earned, but simply given, sometimes in abundance by the Giver of all good gifts. Ask for help to discern your particular grace, your particular gift, and how you might share it with others. It is also important to realize that each person has different gifts. Don’t expect others to be like you. Be patient with those who do not share your particular gifts, for it may be that God has given you the grace to be able to serve those same people.

·         Finally, realize that God loves all of us, and gives us gifts so that we can take care of one another. Learn to recognize and celebrate the gifts that others have. Do not give way to jealousy and envy. One monk is much better at hospitality than I am. Another monk is the most generous person I know. And another monk has a green thumb, while I can’t even manage to keep a cactus alive. Put all the monks together with all their gifts, including mine, and we have a beautiful and gifted community. The beauty is based on all of us together. Such is the same with every Christian community. Celebrate it.

Your heart's desire

Verses from Morning Prayer today:

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desire.

and again, Commit your life to the Lord and he will grant your heart’s desire.

What is this “heart’s desire” that he will grant us? It’s not what you might think, and most likely it is not something you would pray for. In fact, this “heart’s desire” is probably something you have never thought of before, have never anticipated, and at this point you might not even know it exists. We’re dealing here with the realm of grace, with the realm of mystery, and in terms of a supernatural process that is set in motion by the commitment itself.

I’m speaking from experience here. I remember the time I first read those words and took them to heart. And from that day forward, life changed in ways that I never would have predicted. What I was given was far more than anything I had ever asked or hoped for.

And, this gift to my heart is a gift that keeps on giving, some thirty-five or forty years later. It has never ceased to fill my life with good, even in the midst of trials and difficulties.

If you’ve already made that commitment, if you’ve already begun to realize that your greatest delight is with the things of God, then you know what I am talking about. If you haven’t yet done so, or if you aren’t really sure that your life could change so radically, then simply pray for the grace to realize and to live these words, in your time, at the right time, which is, after all, God’s time. And God’s time is the best time of all.

May your heart be filled, all the days of your life.

The Critic has been thrown down

(The next reflection will be on Sunday.)

When I used to teach a course called Creativity, one of the things we did in class was begin to become more aware of something that many of us live with on a daily basis: the existence of a voice inside of us that I call the Critic.

The things that the Critic has to say are like a broken record that says “what you’ve done isn’t good enough,” “you’re not working hard enough,” “you aren’t going to successful if you try . . . “ “what will others think of you . . . “ and so on.

There is a spiritual dimension to what the Critic offers as well: “You’re not close enough to God, you don’t pray enough, you aren’t worthy of God’s gifts and graces.” The last example is true—we are not worthy, but God makes us worthy. That’s what grace is all about.

There is a wonderful verse in the Book of Revelation that provides both help and hope when we are dealing with onslaughts of the Critic. Revelation 12:10:

Now have salvation and power come,

and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Anointed.

For the accuser or our brothers has been cast down,

who accuses them day and night before our God.

Whatever the accusation, whether it be for real incidents of sinfulness, or it be the subtle insidious ways the Critic tries to get under of our skin, it is silenced, and, through the grace of the Cross of Jesus, the accusations have been swept away.

Remember this verse when the Critic or the accuser tries to get to you.