The evil within

Wednesday, February 08, 2017

In the Gospel passage for today’s Mass, Our Lord speaks about things “which come from within” that defile us. (See Mark 7:14-23). His list is extensive: “evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance and folly.” That’s quite a list and can provide us with the basis for a good and rigorous examination of conscience.

But I have some questions:

·         How self-aware are we?

·         Are we courageous enough to face what is inside of us and be honest about it?

·         Have we allowed things to fester within us without being challenged?

·         Are we so distracted by identifying the “evils” of others that we cannot focus our attention on ourselves?

I’ll give you a personal example:

Yesterday I saw someone who set off a very strong negative reaction within me. To be honest, I’d have to say that this person filled me with disgust. And I judged. And I became an expert about the faults I perceived about this person—none of which, to be honest, were necessarily true. To borrow a phrase from 12-step groups, I “took the other person’s inventory.”

But then I was giving the grace to stop walking down that path. And I took the time to examine not the other person, but rather, my own reaction to that person. “Why?” I asked. “Why was it so difficult for me to look at this other person as a beloved child of God?” “What are my prejudices? “Why do I react so strongly to certain traits this person exhibits?” And the self-questioning continued.

I concluded that my heart isn’t yet big enough to make room for that type of person, that my sense of kindness was sorely lacking, and that even though sometimes I think of myself as loving, there are definite barriers to my loving as Jesus loves.

And so, in my meditation last night, I lost myself within the heart of Jesus and used a simple phrase as the mantra for my meditation: “Enlarge my heart, O Lord.” And this is important: I wasn’t expecting an immediate change to take place within me. I knew that I was taking the first step in what would be a slow and gradual process of conversion and healing within me. Of course, it was always possible that God, who is all-powerful, could zap me with an immediate change of heart, but my experience has been that these things take time, and that I will continuously need to use that prayer: Enlarge my heart, O Lord.

So tell yourself: where and how do you need to be converted? Where do you need a larger heart? What is it within you that prevents you from being the type of person that you think Jesus wants you to be? Or, to use scriptural language, one might say, “What is the evil within me that defiles me?”

God bless you!