We are not love, but we can evolve

A close reading of the “love chapter” in 1 Corinthians 13 reveals to us our own personal inadequacy. And that’s a good thing, even if it makes us squirm a bit. Whenever or wherever we become aware of our own shortcomings we are receiving an invitation to let the grace and mercy of God enter into our lives in a new way. For this reason, it’s good to use the passage as an examination of conscience.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

The passage can also be a guide for right conduct, especially at times when we are tempted to act in a way that is not loving, and also during times of tension, stress or conflict. Look to the passage. Pray, “Lord God, You are Love. Lord Jesus Christ, You are Love incarnate.” Lord, I am not always a vessel filled with love. I fall short. I forget what You have taught me. I have a tendency to be not-Love in my thoughts, words and actions. Help me, Lord. Have mercy on me. Help me to live Your word in all aspects of my life. Lord, You are Love; I am not. Please grant me your grace, that I may grow towards what is lacking in me. Lord, help me to love. Amen.”

In His great love and mercy, the Lord uses many means to shed light upon areas of our lives that need forgiveness, healing, and guidance. One of these means is the Scriptures. Seek out the passages that challenge you; don’t run from them or put them aside. Let them convict you, and then let them show you a new way of being. But most especially, in all times and at all instances, know that God’s patience is greater than what we can imagine. Love is patient. May that love be with you now and always.

Healing the past

Spiritual growth can sometimes be the cause of great but worthwhile pain. The other day a friend was telling me how he remembered something he had done years ago before his spiritual awakening, and how he had never realized until now just how terrible a thing it had been and how it has caused pain for others. His new realization really hurt.

I recalled similar experiences I have had where the insight of the present opened my eyes to see with horror just how serious the sins of the past had been, but how at the time I was oblivious to the wrong I was doing.

Again, a painful experience—but at the same time a healing experience, because it gives new depth of meaning to the Jesus Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. The pain of the realization is actually a gift of grace from the Lord. Healing is often painful.

What more could I say about this to my friend, I wondered. Well, at Lauds this morning I received an answer as we prayed a passage from Isaiah 38. I’m not sure where this particular translation came from, but it is the one we have in our office books and it was just what I needed and so another gift of grace from the Lord. Here’s the passage:

For you, Lord, my heart will live,

You gave me back my spirit;

You cured me, kept me alive,

Changed my sickness into health.

And you have held back my life

From the pit of doom.

You have cast far from your sight

Every one of my sins. (Isaiah 38: 16-17)

There is a final verse of the passage which has particular meaning for monks:

O Lord, come to our rescue

And we shall sing psalms

All the days of our life

In the house of the Lord.

I thank God that he has set me in a place where this verse is a daily reality.

God bless you.

Process

God is always watching over us and protecting us, and arranging circumstances so that “all things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) Sometimes as this process unfolds we go through periods of disruption, loss, sadness, frustration and injustice. I’ve seen it happen again and again in my own life as well in the lives of people I know.

I like to call it a “process” when this happens because, according to my dictionary, a process is (1) “a forward or onward movement, as to an objective or a goal, or (2) “a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead toward a particular result.”

Keeping this definition in mind may help us look at those dark periods in our lives in a way that makes sense out of them. The disappointment or even tragedy is part of a “forward or onward movement;” that is, it will not remain in the same unpleasant condition forever. Our suffering is leading somewhere. (Think of Christ on the cross as an example).

The second definition of process is even more hopeful. There is a result (or objective) to our difficulties, and this result is something that God has in mind as he is acting in our lives.

And so in those times of difficulty we are able to think that “this too shall pass,” and also that God is working things out that we don’t understand at present but which will be revealed in time. Sometimes it takes a long time; other times the whole process unfolds rather quickly.

I just saw it happen with one of my students. He lost X and was very upset. Just two weeks later, his life changed and he found himself enjoying Y and understanding that the things that caused the loss were necessary in order for him to be blessed by Y. (I hope this isn’t too vague for you, but I didn’t want to go in to telling the whole story.) And so X became a source of great blessing.

Has that happened in your life before? I know it has in mine. And if you’re going through a difficult time right now, remember that you are in a process that will ultimately lead towards a good. That’s how God arranges things in our lives, thanks be to God.

May he bless you always.

What stifles the graces we are given?

The parable of the sower (Mark 4:1-20) can be applied to our own personal spiritual journeys and our ability to accept and act on the graces that God gives to us.

A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and the birds came and ate it up.

Some of the things that God wants to tell us don’t get to us because we simply are not ready or because our ears are closed. The noise of the world buries the Lord’s grace because his grace and only be received in silence.

Other see fell on rocky ground where it had little soil. It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep. And when the sun rose, it was scorched and it withered for lack of roots.

How many times have we formed good intentions in immediate response to grace, but we don't we don’t take the time to let the graces sink deep within us, and they wither the next day.

Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it and it produced no grain.

What are the thorns in our life that inhibit or distract us from cooperating with the graces we are offered? Jesus talks about the care of money and the cares of this world. It’s difficult to move from a meditation or a reflection back into the world and still hold on to whatever insights the Holy Spirit has sown in us.

And some seed fell on rich soil and produced fruit. It came up and grew and yielded thirty, sixty, and a hundred fold.

There are times when the Spirit has left us completely open and ready to receive. And the word or insight that comes to us strikes a note deep within us, we cultivate it with reflection and meditation, we water it with prayer and gratitude, and wonderful things begin to blossom and bloom in our lives and in the lives of others.

God bless you!

It doesn't all depend on you.

God created everything. God is in everything. God—Father, Son and Holy Spirit—is in everything. God—Father, Son and Holy Spirit—is in you and me. At all times.

In our scattered lives, we often forget this, lose touch with it, block it out or even ignore it. But God doesn’t block us out. “I am with you always,” says Jesus, “until the end of the world.” (Matthew 28:20)

Oh, if we could only just simply rest in that reality, be in touch with Father, Son and Holy Spirit within us and rest there with eyes closed even just for a moment or a minute. If only we could consciously draw on the strength and courage and power that is already within us. After all, as St. Paul wrote to Timothy, “God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control.” (2 Tim 1:8)

Give everything over to that spirit. Stop trying to make things work on your own. At all time, it is God working within you that brings your projects, your wishes, your hopes and dreams to reality if they are part of His plan for you. And if they are not? Well then, wait until his plan is revealed to you in the ordinary circumstances of your life.

One of the most wonderful things about Christianity is that we never have to be concerned that everything counts on us alone. When I began writing this reflection, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to write about. But then an inspiration was given to me, and guided my fingers line by line as I made my way down the page. Thanks be to God alone.

Take time today to rest in the Presence, to listen to His promptings, to let Him tell you what to say, or do, or even think thoughts that lie buried deep underneath the usual ordinary chatter that goes on in your mind.

And then give thanks. God bless you.

Are his promises meant for you?

Today I’d like to examine the quote from Isaiah 61 that Jesus read in yesterday’s Gospel (3^rd Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year C).

The spirit of the Lord is upon me

because he has anointed me

to bring glad tidings to the poor.

He has sent me to bring liberty to captives

and recovery of sight to the blind,

to let the oppressed go free,

and to proclaim a year acceptable to the lord.

Anyone who has read the Gospels knows that this prophecy came true in Jesus Christ as he traveled through the region, taught, healed, exorcised and preached Good News to the poor, the desparate and the despairing. But how about us?

In order to appropriate this passage for ourselves, we need to hear it from a posture of humility and need. We need to look at ourselves and understand that in so many ways, we are the poor. What was your life like before you were seized by Jesus Christ? What would it be like if you rejected Him? And what is it like now during those times when you strip yourself of all the things you use to claim how well you’re doing, and simply kneel naked before the Lord and ask him to touch your life in ways you haven’t allowed yourself to do before.

Just a couple of questions will help:

·         How are you poor? Despite all your wealth, in what area of your life are you destitute and needy?

·         How are you a captive; what would liberty mean to you? Can I be set free from . . . . ?

·         What have you been blind to, even though you think you know and understand so much? Look back and realize how much you couldn’t see 5 or 10 years ago before your eyes were opened?

·         What oppresses you? A habit, an addiction, a sinful tendency, a toxic relationship, circumstances that cause you to suffer and where you feel helpless?

Finally, could it possibly be true that this year will be for you a special year, a year acceptable to the Lord as you continue to reflect, to contemplate, to think about your faith journey and to take the steps that the Lord invites you to take despite all the things that you think weigh you down permanently?

God bless you.

Apprehending the Critic

Negative thoughts, part 2: Apprehending the Critic

There is another class of negative thoughts that plague us as we go about our lives. These are thoughts from ourselves about ourselves. Examples:

·         You’re not good enough.

·         You can’t do that.

·         Nothing you do is ever good enough.

·         You’re going to look like a fool.

·         Compared to Sally, your work isn’t nearly as nice.

·         God is going to hate you for what you’ve done.

·         And so on.

When I used to teach Creativity, I would emphasize the existence of thoughts such as the above and suggest that they come to us from some internal Critic who has taken up residency in our heads and who is quite persistent in bringing us down no matter what we try to do. We would also take a look at where the voice of the Critic comes from---whether a parent or some teacher or so-called friends who are actually “toxic friends.” Where does your Critic come from? Who made the tapes that keep playing in your head?

The Critic chips away at our self-esteem, tries to discourage us from ever stepping outside our comfort zones, sets up comparisons between ourselves and others where we always end up losing. The Critic can affect the quality of our faith by supplanting it with a toxic, negative and self-defeating interpretation of faith and the Sciptures.

Speaking of the Scriptures, consider all the heroes and heroines you read about in the Bible. Where would they have been if they had allowed their Critics to dissuade them from the things the Lord led them to be doing. What if Abraham had listened to the Critic and stayed home? What if St. Paul had listened to the Critic when it told him that he wasn’t a good enough speaker to be able to speak in public? What if the apostles believed the Critic and simply gave up and dispersed after Jesus was crucified rather than gathering together in prayer and in hope?

What if I listened to my critic when it told me that I had no business trying to post spiritual reflections, or how any certain reflection wasn’t good enough to use? How about you? What have you been prevented from doing? Is there anything your own Critic is hammering away at you about right now?

Here’s a favorite passage from the Book of Revelation that I always identify with the Critic:

Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Crist have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. (Rev 12:10. Emphasis mine)

And so, my advice to you: Learn to recognize your Critic and where it comes from. Realize that it is lying to you. Then treat it as you would any other negative thoughts, as we spoke about yesterday. And then, by the way, stop criticizing others and be especially careful around children.

Processing negative thoughts

To one extent or another, we are all plagued at times by negative thoughts, whether while meditating or while going about our ordinary everyday lives. They often come to us unbidden and they have the power to take over our minds and effect our moods and dispositions. They make us uncomfortable or even miserable, and they can effect our performance at whatever we are trying to do. They can be brief enough to provoke an emotion, and sometimes they can be extended to the point where they become full-blown obsessions that occupy what feels like a major portion of our brains.

Here’s one Biblical example of a negative thought having a bad effect: Consider Peter walking on the water towards Jesus when the sea was rough and the apostles were threatened by the waves.  He was doing fine until a negative thought arose: “when he saw the wind we was afraid” (Matthew 14:30) and he began to sink, and he cried out to Jesus to save him. Here we see the pattern of a negative thought: what he thought when he saw the waves provoked an emotion (fear) which then played itself out in action.

As we learn to become more aware and to look at our thoughts as if from a distance rather than being dragged around by our thoughts, we develop a certain measure of freedom. (Regular meditation helps this process.) Rather than becoming victims of our thoughts we become observers of our thoughts. We can watch them arise and then subside. The unenlightened response to a negative thought is to begin commenting on it, or allowed a “video” of the situation play itself out in our head. The moment we do that, we are hooked.

Allow the thought to pass through you and don’t add anything to it at all. Always remember that you are not your thoughts; you are the thinker of the thoughts. With practice, and with God’s help, you can obtain a great measure of freedom.

More about this another time.

By the way, I am reading an excellent book on meditation called Into the Silent Land by Martin Laird and a lot of the material I’ll be using in this blog comes from that book and from my own experience and study. If you do manage to pick up a copy of the book, I suggest you begin with chapter 3 and read the earlier chapters later. Chapter 3 contains the most practical advice about meditation.

Alone with a friend in silence

We are very fortunate indeed when we have that certain friend or companion or spouse or confrere who is able to be with us in silence, where there is no need to carry on a conversation. I had an experience like that over the holidays, riding to New York in the car with a confrere, enjoying extended moments of silence when we simply rested in one another’s company. There wasn’t even a need to fill the space with music. It was not an experience of being alone or lonely, and certainly not an experience of being bored; no, it was an experience of being fulfilled and at peace.

Such moments can happen during times of prayer as well. There are times in our lives when we sense a greater call to solitude, to quiet, to contemplative prayer, times when we begin to discover that the greatest joys in our lives are those times when we are alone with the Lord, simply resting in His presence. These moments are gifts.

How can we prepare to receive these gifts? The first and most important thing is to be in a place where there is silence and privacy. Then we make a gentle (always gentle) effort to calm down our bodies by breathing slowly and deeply and by focusing our attention on our breath, not evaluating or changing it but simply allowing it to be. If our mind wanders, as it is sure to do, once we are aware of it we simply return to the breath. Perhaps we repeat a word or a brief bit of prayer, in union with our breathing. By doing this we quiet the mind, and begin to realize that we do not have to be dragged here and there by any thoughts or emotions which arise. We simply let them pass through us, realizing that we are not our thoughts or emotions, but rather we are the thinker of the thoughts, the feeler of the emotions. Simply let them pass and return to the breath and to the repetition of a word or phrase.

If you find this interesting and you have never tried it before, give it a go. If you would like more information about it, just do an Internet search of the term “centering prayer.” There is a wealth of material available for you to peruse.

As for myself, I find that after a good 20 minutes or so of this type of prayer, the words cease and I am able to sit and enjoy being in God’s presence. It is an exquisitely satisfying experience, and has a great impact on the time I spend after my prayer time has ceased. I hope you can find the same.

Love to the loveless shown

There will be no reflection tomorrow. The next reflection will be on Thursday January 21

The last of the 12 signs of a spiritual awakening is that we gain the ability to love with expecting anything in return. (The list of 12 signs is at the end of this reflection).

Here’s a favorite line from the hymn “My Song is Love Unknown:”

 Love to the loveless shown that they might lovely be.

God’s love for you and for me is so great that at the lowest point in our lives, at the moment when we have found ourselves to be the most despicable, in a time of bitter and tragic failure when weakness and sin had all but annihilated us or when we have done inestimable harm to others—at precisely that moment, the God Who is Love, through his suffering and death, reached down to us from the cross and lifted us up with Himself out of the mire. And that began a beautiful journey, and good things began happening in our lives, and our attention was turned from our former misery to a promise of a brighter future. And God continued to work in our lives, despite times when we wanted to turn back or tried to resist what was taking place within us. And God continues to work in the lives of even those who do not know him or who think he doesn’t exist.

That is the God who is love. And we are created in the image and likeness of that God. And we too get to show love—in less spectacular ways, to be sure—to others who may not know much love in their lives, or to others who do not feel especially “lovely” at any moment in their lives.

And you are already doing that. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have been reading these reflections, because they wouldn’t have interested you.

You, who were made lovely by the love of God for you when you were loveless, have opportunities to love others—sometimes from a distance, sometimes in small, barely noticeable acts of charity “behind the scenes.” And when you do things like this that have no mixed motive attached to them, you find that you are doing them simply for the joy of being loving and charitable, and, in fact, the more anonymous your gift of love is, the more sheer joy you take from the experience.

You already know this. And so keep up the good work. Take the love you have been given and be love for others. Because, in your awakening, you discover a sublime joy, and you want that joy to be more and more a part of your life.

Be loved as you are. Be loving as you can be. And God bless you.

12 Signs that you are undergoing a spiritual awakening

1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than to make things happen.

2. Frequent attacks of smiling.

3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.

4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

7. A loss of ability to worry.

8. A loss of interest in conflict.

9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

10. A loss of interest in judging others.

11. A loss of interest in judging self.

12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.

Freedom from judging

 We have almost completed making our way through the list of 12 signs of a spiritual awakening (which are listed at the end of this reflection). Today, we will consider two of them:

9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

10. A loss of interest in judging others.

When we begin to awaken spiritually, we become more aware—not at the faults of others but rather aware of those “hidden faults” of our own referred to in Psalm 19, in which the psalmist admits to a certain blindness about his own situation: But who can detect all his errors? –and then he prays, from hidden faults acquit me.

Herein lies the type of work we need to be doing in order to lay aside any tendency whatsoever to shine the spotlight on the supposed faults of others. It is important to remember that just as “spiritual awakening” is a process, so too is the increase of personal awareness which leads to an inevitable openness, patience and compassion towards others as judgment ceases. We develop a profound respect for the mystery of another person. We become more aware that we are hardly ever aware of the burdens another person may be carrying or the struggles they are enduring.

It would also be helpful for us to realize once again that, just because we think something is true does not automatically mean that it is true. Our thoughts about others need to be surrendered (and even confessed) to God’s greater wisdom while we humbly hold in prayer those whom we may be prone to judge.

Be aware. Catch yourself judging or interpreting. Cultivate your personal relationship with God, and in His light let your (usually) false judgments be dissolved. Leave the judging up to God along with his mercy.

You will find yourself enjoying greater peace of mind. Inevitably, our own judging and interpreting does nothing other than trouble our own spirits. It has no effect in reality unless we choose to act on our judgments and usually false accusations.

Seek the peace which God offers to you at all times. A peace that is found in a charitable forgetfulness of things which used to preoccupy us before our spirits began to awaken.

God bless you.

12 Signs that you are undergoing a spiritual awakening

1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than to make things happen.

2. Frequent attacks of smiling.

3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.

4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

7. A loss of ability to worry.

8. A loss of interest in conflict.

9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

10. A loss of interest in judging others.

11. A loss of interest in judging self.

12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.

Everything you need

I am interrupting my series of reflections on “Signs that you’re having a spiritual awakening” to share with you a reflection I had last night after meditation and again this morning. Take what you can from it and leave the rest behind.

It’s really very simple, having just a few points:

·         God is continually giving me everything I need.

·         That means there is no need for me to ask for anything for myself. My intercessory prayer can be devoted to others.

·         And since God continually gives me everything I need, if there is something I think I need or want that I do not have, it is because I don’t really need it. So I can rest in peace.

Have a blessed day!

Recognizing and avoiding conflict

Once again, the list of results of a spiritual awakening are referenced at the end of this reflection. As you look over the list, you may find yourself reflecting on any item on the list that seems timely and appropriate for you. Today I take up # 8: A loss of interest in conflict.

We can look at this in three ways: (1) Creating conflict; (2) Getting involved in the conflicts of others; (3) Enjoying conflict for its own sake.

This is a category unlike the other ones in the list because it is something that most often occurs in people who have some sort of personality disorder. You may know people like that: people whose lives are generally centered on one conflict or another, people who try to draw us into their own conflicts, and people who actually derive pleasure from the conflicts they produce or get involved in. Sometimes you may unwittingly find yourself affected by such people, and the best course of action it to pray for the individual and also to withdraw yourself from the situation as best you can, even if it means withdrawing from the relationships that have conflict as a basic trait.

I’ll give you one example. I know a couple of fellows who do delight in generating conflict and who are often engaged in what Saint Benedict calls “murmuring” (which he says is the worst evil in a community). One day I noticed that whenever I got engaged with these two, I would get drawn into whatever it was that they were complaining about, and that after I left their company, my spirit would be disturbed and I would find myself agitated about the complaint of the day.

                 At one graced moment in my life I realized what was happening and I resolved not to stop by and join in any of their conversations any more. God gave me the grace to follow through on my good intention, and I can’t tell you just how much peace of mind and spirit I gained as a result. Peace that remains up to this very day.

We probably also need to admit that most of us have a very slight tendency towards conflict in one form or another, albeit subtle and hidden.  In our spiritual programs, if we pray for God’s light to shine in this area, we will eventually become aware of said tendency and then pray for the grace to do something about it—to make the change(s) that the graced insight indicates we need to change.

One of my favorite psalm verses for things like this is a simple one: “from hidden faults acquit me.” (Psalm 19:12)  I also add to it the wish that in his time God will make the hidden fault obvious to me. But be careful about what you pray for!!!

12 Signs that you are undergoing a spiritual awakening

1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than to make things happen.

2. Frequent attacks of smiling.

3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.

4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

7. A loss of ability to worry.

8. A loss of interest in conflict.

9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

10. A loss of interest in judging others.

11. A loss of interest in judging self.

12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.

Less worrying?

Those who have experienced or are experiencing a spiritual awakening tend to develop a loss of ability to worry. (The 7^th item on the list we have been discussing this year. The complete list is at the end of this reflection.)

The work we are doing to grow spiritually, whatever it may be, bears fruit in our lives. These consequences develop gradually and naturally over the course of time and can’t be rushed, or hurried, or stressed. We simply do the work, and experience the consequences that result.

This is particularly true of today’s item: a loss of ability to worry. How does this happen? It takes growth in our ability to trust that God is active in our lives at all times, that His love for us is total and unending, and that he works to bring good out of anything difficult that might occur. Never forget that his ultimate will for us is that we be saved and enter the Kingdom of Heaven for all eternity. Also remember what Saint Paul so beautifully said, that “everything works together for the good of those who love God.”  (Romans 8:28)

It can be helpful to look back over the landscape of our lives and see (even if only for the first time) how God has guided, sustained, blessed, healed, protected, comforted, inspired, and helped us in the past, and continues to do so in the present and for the future.

My own personal journey of growth in trust began in a special way when I discovered the 2^nd chapter of the Book of Sirach. Maybe it can help you as well:

Trust God and he will help you; make straight your ways and hope in him.

You who fear the Lord, wait for his mercy, turn not away lest you fall.

You who fear the Lord, trust him, and your reward will not be lost.

You who fear the Lord, hope for good things, for lasting joy and mercy.

Study the generations long past and understand;

has anyone hoped in the Lord and been disappointed?

Has anyone persevered in his fear and been forsaken?

Has anyone called upon him and been rebuffed?  (Sirach 2:6-10)

One last thing: sometimes it might seem to us that we have been disappointed, or forsaken, or rebuffed by the Lord. Even then, however, do not give up hope. Time will show you that He is working to answer your prayer, although not in a way that you would have liked Him to satisfy you at the moment. Once again, I encourage you to look back over your life and see if you can find times when this has turned out to be true.

Think on these things. Pray about them. Journal about them. Continue your program of meditation. You will find yourself worrying far less; you will experience times of calm when everyone else is running around fretting and fearing. You will know peace. God bless you!

12 Signs that one is undergoing a spiritual awakening:

1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than to make things happen.

2. Frequent attacks of smiling.

3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.

4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

7. A loss of ability to worry.

8. A loss of interest in conflict.

9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

10. A loss of interest in judging others.

11. A loss of interest in judging self.

12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.

Give yourself permission to be who you are

We continue our discussion of 12 signs that we are undergoing a spiritual awakening that was posted on January 3. For your convenience, I am reprinting the list at the end of this reflection. I’m jumping ahead to #11 today, because it came up in a couple of conversations I had yesterday with various people.

11. A loss of interest in judging self.

Now, we have to make some distinctions. I suggest there are three types of situations where we could be prone to judging ourselves:

The first are actual sins and wrongdoings. As far as these are concerned, our consciences correctly convict us, and it is up to us to admit our wrongdoing, pray for forgiveness and if necessary, have resort to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. These are objective facts.

The second type concerns what the 12-Steps call character defects. We become aware of them as a result of our own inner work and our growing abilities to be ruthlessly but gently honest with ourselves. Examples: I have a bad habit of finishing other peoples’ sentences for them. (This is not a personal confession: I can only state these examples in the first person, because I have no right to make a character inventory of any other person. That is taken up in another item on our list.) Another example: I judge people by appearances. Final example: I am impatient, and because of that I easily become irritated and even angry when things don’t happen according to the time table I have set for others.

What can we do with character defects: (1) recognize them and be honest about them. (2) be willing to ask God to remove them. (3) Pray for grace.

     Now this is IMPORTANT. Remember that God doesn’t always answer prayers like this the way we would like him to. Consider Saint Paul and his “thorn in his flesh:” Three times he prayed to have it removed and God’s answer to him was “My grace is enough for you.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). “Thorns” (character defects) keep us humble; the grace to wrestle with them or to overcome them is given in each instance, and we learn that at all times we need to trust in God and turn to Him for help.

The third kind involve ways that we tend to judge ourselves that we can, with growth, learn to accept and even embrace. These matters have to do with the way we are “knit together in our mothers’ wombs” (Psalm 139:13). Each of us is a unique and beloved and complex creature and each of us possess gifts, and weaknesses, and character traits that sometimes we find it hard to accept. This is where we can grow in not judging ourselves. Note this conversation between me and X:

Me: You tend to get nervous when you’re stepping outside your comfort zone.

X: I know, and I hate that about myself.

Me: But it is part of how you are made. Be gentle with yourself; don’t hate it. Learn to accept it and embrace it, and at the same time learn how to work with it or around it. You sometimes have to move outside your comfort zone, and when that happens, you get nervous. Well, good for you for being willing to make the move! The nervousness is a sign that something special is about to happen. Give yourself permission to be the way you are.  You are learning techniques to deal with the nervousness. Use them, and be at peace. In fact, congratulate yourself. And do you know what? By accepting who you are and being gentle and loving towards yourself, in time things might actually evolve. But if you keep fighting was is natural in you, you’re just going to remain stuck where you are.

                And so, the lesson to carry away with today is that in situations which do not involve real sin, where you don’t receive the grace to make any changes, accept where you are and accept who you are. Give yourself permission. The benefits are wonderful.

I’m sorry this is so long today. It’s as long as it needed to be for me to get my point across. I’m made that way. God bless you.

Appendix: List of signs that we are undergoing a spiritual awakening:

1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than to make things happen.

2. Frequent attacks of smiling.

3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.

4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

7. A loss of ability to worry.

8. A loss of interest in conflict.

9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

10. A loss of interest in judging others.

11. A loss of interest in judging self.

12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.

The Power of Now

We continue with the signs that you are undergoing a spiritual awakening. See the post for January 3 for the complete list.

Today’s item:   6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

All you have is NOW. And now THIS moment. And now THIS moment. And tell me, how are you feeling RIGHT NOW? And are you enjoying yourself as you are reading these words NOW?

The basic idea is that all we have is NOW. The past is gone and we cannot influence it; the future isn’t here yet and our experience has taught us that are are absolutely incapable of knowing what the future is going to be like. As I’m writing these words, expecting to finish my thought, someone comes by and knocks on my door. Once again, the future I envisioned has already been changed.

For many, it is difficult to understand or appreciate the emphasis on the NOW that we find in so many spiritual writings, including the words of Our Savior: “NOW is the acceptable time. NOW is the day of salvation.” And remember that He taught us to pray, Give us this day our daily bread. Give us THIS day. Not yesterday, not tomorrow. Here and NOW.

If you would like to do further reading about this, I strongly recommend a book which was a best-seller for a number of years running: “The Power of Now” by Eckhardt Tolle. But in the meantime, in this NOW that we have together, I’d like to make a few suggestions:

·         Periodically during the day, focus your attention on the NOW as a slice of time and say to yourself, “All I have is now.”

·         In the NOW you meet God. He promised that he would be with us until the end of time. Well, this time is NOW and He is with you. Be aware of his presence with you, no matter where you may be or how you may be feeling.

·         Find God in the ordinary things, the moments, the simple. Don’t look for him in holy places or in people or things that you think are holy. Find him in the dish you are washing or the weed you are pulling from the ground. Find him in the unexpected. Find him even in the tragedies of life.

·         Is your NOW painful? Unite it with Christ on the Cross and you will experience the pain transforming.

·         Is your NOW full of joy? Pray that others may experience the joy that you are experiencing RIGHT NOW.

It takes practice to learn to think this way, to learn to experience your life as a succession of NOWs. But to the extent that you are able to do this, you will indeed find yourself enjoying and cherishing each moment.

In 7 minutes I have to go a conference to someone. NOW I am enjoying writing the conclusion of this reflection. And NOW I have finished. Thanks be to God! And may God bless you NOW.

Never be discouraged

From the second reading on the feast of the Baptism of the Lord:

God saved us through the bath of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,

not because of any righteous deeds we had done,

but because of his mercy. (Titus 3:5)

It is all about the mercy of God through Jesus Christ, and it is good for us to reflect on this during this Year of Mercy.

We do not connect with the Lord through our good deeds and virtues---these, too, are gifts of his grace and mercy. Our connection with the Lord depends wholly on our awareness of our own iniquity and weakness. Trappist Abbot André Louf said it so beautifully in one of his talks about living in community:

“. . . we should identify ourselves with the others in our common frailty in order to reach, from this point of departure, the salvation given us by Jesus. De profundis—‘out of the depths.’ For this is the Good News, this is the Church, and nothing else. Jesus came for these sinners, these sinners that in fact we are, and not for the righteous that we thought we were, that we hoped to become or appear to be, secure at the heart of the Christian community. There is no Good News without the proclamation of the forgiveness of sin.”   (In the School of Contemplation, 2015, Liturgical Press, p. 44. The emphasis is mine.)

And to this I simply add: We must never be discouraged about what we discover about ourselves. Never be discouraged by our weaknesses or failings or bitter mistakes---especially as we grow in the spiritual life, because our own growth sometimes causes to look with dismay and even disgust at the follies and iniquities of our earlier lives.

The other day I knelt in prayer before the Manger asking God to remove a particular weakness from me, but when I heard the reading at Mass today I realized that what is most important is not the removal of a weakness as much as the mercy that such a weakness impels me to ask for.

As Saint Benedict put it: “Never lose hope in God’s mercy.” (Rule of St. Benedict 4:74)

A fresh way of thinking and acting

The fifth item on our list (see January 3) of signs that we are having a spiritual awakening is this:

 5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

When we are asleep (or un-awakened), our thoughts, actions and reactions are automatic, based on some kind of pre-conditioning or programming that we develop as the years go by.  Just three examples might help you get the picture:

·         When X happens, I always do Y.

·         Whenever he says  X, I start thinking Y. 

·         This thought always provokes these emotions.

The other day I was sitting in a room when a man entered who reminded me of someone who had bullied me in high school. My instinctive reaction was fear and uneasiness. I was immediately able to recognize and acknowledge the feelings that were going through me, to recall the times in the past when I had had similar feelings, and then, in freedom and with grace, was able to disassociate them from the man who had entered the room.

I looked at the man and realized that he was a unique individual, one of God’s beloved creatures, loved and cherished by people in his life. I turned off all thoughts of judgment and assessment, and simply let him be.  A bit later I noticed him in conversation with another person in the room, and that the conversation seemed cordial and friendly.

What matters is that my thoughts were now spontaneous and free; I was no longer programmed by old material.

How do we get to this point? Meditation helps a lot. In fact, I attribute my newly-found freedom to a regular practice of meditation where I have learned to realize that I am not my thoughts, but rather the thinker of thoughts, and that countless emotions pass through me every day and I have the freedom not to associate with them.

Saint Paul urges us to “be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” (Romans 12:2). This renewal can be attained through our study of the Scriptures, through our on-going relationship with Jesus Christ, and through the graces which God sends our way every day.  Those who are becoming spiritually awakened are more prone to recognize the graces as they are bestowed on us and to think and act in accord with them.

Have a nice day. God bless you!

We are all connected.

We continue with our discussion of the signs that one is having a spiritual awakening.

(See January 3 post for the complete list.) Today’s item:

Feelings of being connected with others and nature.

I think it does us some good to think of just how disconnected we are. To the extent that we are disconnected, we are impoverished, deprived, wounded, numb and unaware. Some questions for consideration:

·         Are we sometimes prone to think of others in terms of US and THEM? Or even ME and NOT-ME?

·         How sensitive are we willing to be to the plight of those who are suffering in this troubled world?

·         Do we carry around a list of resentments or bitterness that keeps us shut off from others and from the world? Are there people we find it hard to forgive, or even simply hard to put up with?

·         Do we take nature for granted? Or even the objects in our homes that we use on a frequent basis? (Saint Benedict taught that all the tools in the monastery should be treated as sacred vessels of the altar.)

·         To what extent are we willing to be aware that everything that exists was created through Jesus Christ?

·         Can you look others, even those you find it hard to like,and think “God loves you and wants you to make it heaven”?

·         Are you aware of any tendencies you have to build up walls around yourself, or to hide in a prison of dungeon of your own making?

·         Do you ever take time to give thanks for the beauty of the world that was created through Jesus for your delight?

Here are two types of prayers and meditation that will help extend your connection to the world around you:

1. Start by thinking of someone you love and pray that they be blessed with joy, peace and healing. then think the same of someone you dislike just a little bit. Then, apply it to someone you actively dislike. Do this as many times as you can with as many different people in your life. Then move on and pray for all those in your neighborhood in the same way. Then extend it to your town or city. Then extend it to your country, then the continent, then the hemisphere, then the whole world

2. Recite the “prayer of the three young men”  (Daniel 3:52-90). This prayer is usually prayed at morning prayer on Sundays and Feast Days. It is a great way to help you become more conscious and connected with the whole of creation.

The effects of gratitude

We continue our discussion of “Signs you are having a spiritual awakening” that I posted on January 3. Today we look at # 2 and # 4 because I believe they are closely related. Here they are:

·         2. Frequent attacks of smiling.

·         4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

When we receive a gift we usually smile. When we get a nice note in the mail from someone who cares for us, we usually smile. When we walk down the street and encounter a dear old friend, we break into a smile. We deeply appreciate these types of things, and they make us smile.

What would happen if we became aware at each and every moment of each and every day that we are being given a precious gift, or a word of love from someone who cares, or when we are surprised by the sight of someone who  is precious to us?

And yet, that is what is continually happening to us, although so often we are unaware of it.

This morning I was walking down a corridor in the monastery. I’ve walked down this corridor thousands of times over the past thirty-three years, but today, for some reason, I noticed the corridor in a special way. I took delight in the light that was shining in through the windows, I noticed the brick-work and gave thanks for how secure I feel, and I reflected on how grateful I am that the Lord has led me to this place and allowed me to make my life here. Needless to say, by the time I got to the end of the corridor, I was smiling.

Pray that the Lord will help you to deepen your sense of profound appreciation, that he will help you notice just how gifted you are at every instance, and that he will fill your heart of the joy of discovered love and caring. He will do this, and you will smile frequently.

Just remember to do as Thich Nhat Hanh advises his readers: Breathe and smile.

God bless you.

Losing control

Today we look at the first of the twelve “Signs that you are spiritually awakening” which was posted yesterday. Notice that I just used the present tense—you are spiritually awakening—rather than the past tense—you have had a spiritual awakening. The awakening itself is a process that takes time. What these twelve items suggest is what we discover happening in our lives if we are consciously practicing habits of prayer, mind and spirit that do produce a gradual spiritual awakening in us. After all, we are all in via, “on the way.” So here is the first of the list:

1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than to make things happen.

It takes so much work, so much energy, so much preoccupation for us to serve the illusion that we are in control of what happens in our lives, or that we can exercise control to make sure that something we want happens.

 And more often than not, our efforts don’t produce the effect we wanted them to produce. Something happens. Something gets in the way. Someone foils our plans, often unwittingly. And yet, we continue to try, because the need to control things is an instinctive urge that we are born with. And for many, that need takes over and the illusion that we are, indeed, in control, runs our lives.

Consider King Herod and his reaction when he finds out that a great king has been born in Bethlehem. Right away, he sets up his program of control: the Magi are to report back to him after they have found the Christ Child, and then he will put his henchmen to work. But things don’t turn out that way, and Herod, enraged, orders the murder of all male children under the age of 2. And yet, even this doesn’t do the trick.

The Good News of the story revolves around the mysterious: angels and dreams. Joseph is warned in a dream to take his family to Egypt. The Magi are told in a dream to take a different route home to avoid Herod putting his plan into action. Herod, at last, is not in control; God is. But because of Herod’s rage, thousands of families are made to suffer.

So, with all this in mind, I have a few questions for you:

·         Do you have any programs in place to control what is happening in your life? Are you really in charge? How often to your programs succeed? And what is it costing you to live your life this way? And how are others made to suffer because of your imaginary sense of control?

·         Have you ever noticed that many if not most of the wonderful things that have happened in your life are not the result of your planning or plotting, but rather happen, it seems, by accident (or we might say, by Providence)?

·         Have you learned yet that the issues you are most concerned about, or most anxious about, tend to work themselves out in unexpected and often wonderful ways once we have let go of our desire to control and rather simply put things “in the hand of God”?

It takes practice. It takes thought. It takes prayer, especially meditation or contemplative prayer.

Here is a simple mediation for those who have never done it before: Close your eyes and pay attention to your breathing without controlling it. As you exhale, let go of your urge to control. As you inhale, inhale your faith that God is working things out. If you’d like, as you exhale, you might think the words “into your hands, O Lord,” and as you inhale, “Lord, increase my faith.”  Or else simply follow your breath and remain without words. If you’ve never done this before, try it for a minute or 2.