Recognizing and avoiding conflict

Once again, the list of results of a spiritual awakening are referenced at the end of this reflection. As you look over the list, you may find yourself reflecting on any item on the list that seems timely and appropriate for you. Today I take up # 8: A loss of interest in conflict.

We can look at this in three ways: (1) Creating conflict; (2) Getting involved in the conflicts of others; (3) Enjoying conflict for its own sake.

This is a category unlike the other ones in the list because it is something that most often occurs in people who have some sort of personality disorder. You may know people like that: people whose lives are generally centered on one conflict or another, people who try to draw us into their own conflicts, and people who actually derive pleasure from the conflicts they produce or get involved in. Sometimes you may unwittingly find yourself affected by such people, and the best course of action it to pray for the individual and also to withdraw yourself from the situation as best you can, even if it means withdrawing from the relationships that have conflict as a basic trait.

I’ll give you one example. I know a couple of fellows who do delight in generating conflict and who are often engaged in what Saint Benedict calls “murmuring” (which he says is the worst evil in a community). One day I noticed that whenever I got engaged with these two, I would get drawn into whatever it was that they were complaining about, and that after I left their company, my spirit would be disturbed and I would find myself agitated about the complaint of the day.

                 At one graced moment in my life I realized what was happening and I resolved not to stop by and join in any of their conversations any more. God gave me the grace to follow through on my good intention, and I can’t tell you just how much peace of mind and spirit I gained as a result. Peace that remains up to this very day.

We probably also need to admit that most of us have a very slight tendency towards conflict in one form or another, albeit subtle and hidden.  In our spiritual programs, if we pray for God’s light to shine in this area, we will eventually become aware of said tendency and then pray for the grace to do something about it—to make the change(s) that the graced insight indicates we need to change.

One of my favorite psalm verses for things like this is a simple one: “from hidden faults acquit me.” (Psalm 19:12)  I also add to it the wish that in his time God will make the hidden fault obvious to me. But be careful about what you pray for!!!

12 Signs that you are undergoing a spiritual awakening

1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than to make things happen.

2. Frequent attacks of smiling.

3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.

4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

7. A loss of ability to worry.

8. A loss of interest in conflict.

9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

10. A loss of interest in judging others.

11. A loss of interest in judging self.

12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.