Healing the past

Spiritual growth can sometimes be the cause of great but worthwhile pain. The other day a friend was telling me how he remembered something he had done years ago before his spiritual awakening, and how he had never realized until now just how terrible a thing it had been and how it has caused pain for others. His new realization really hurt.

I recalled similar experiences I have had where the insight of the present opened my eyes to see with horror just how serious the sins of the past had been, but how at the time I was oblivious to the wrong I was doing.

Again, a painful experience—but at the same time a healing experience, because it gives new depth of meaning to the Jesus Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. The pain of the realization is actually a gift of grace from the Lord. Healing is often painful.

What more could I say about this to my friend, I wondered. Well, at Lauds this morning I received an answer as we prayed a passage from Isaiah 38. I’m not sure where this particular translation came from, but it is the one we have in our office books and it was just what I needed and so another gift of grace from the Lord. Here’s the passage:

For you, Lord, my heart will live,

You gave me back my spirit;

You cured me, kept me alive,

Changed my sickness into health.

And you have held back my life

From the pit of doom.

You have cast far from your sight

Every one of my sins. (Isaiah 38: 16-17)

There is a final verse of the passage which has particular meaning for monks:

O Lord, come to our rescue

And we shall sing psalms

All the days of our life

In the house of the Lord.

I thank God that he has set me in a place where this verse is a daily reality.

God bless you.