What makes it hard for us to forgive?

Saturday-Sunday, August 20-21, 2016

Fr. Richard Rohr teaches that in order to forgive, things that make up our ego have to die: “my need to be right, to be in control, to be superior.” (Things Hidden, 2008. p. 193)

And there are some times when we find it hard to forgive. What Rohr does here is to provide a checklist. The needs he exposes here are part of all of us. I would suggest that you take those three items and examine each one closely for the purposes of an examination of conscience, but when you do so, make sure you are examining yourself under the umbrella of God’s unfathomable mercy. He knows these things are in us and that does not in any impact the infinite quality of his love towards us.

Think of it in terms of the relationship between a parent and child---an image which I allude to again and again. As a parent, you are well aware of particular aspects of a child’s personality that may be vexing or may be causing concern, and also which may simply be sorts of aggravation. However, in healthy situations, none of this in any way detracts from a parent’s love of the child. (Assuming, once again, that the parent is mature and healthy enough in able to show unconditional love, which unfortunately, many parents are incapable of doing. But for the purposes of this analogy we are considering the best of all possible situations.

And so, for the examen:

My need to be right

• ·         Argumentativeness
• ·         Stubbornness
• ·         Denial of the obvious
• ·         add to the list yourself

My need to be in control

• ·         Manipulativeness
• ·         Shortsightedness, or even blindsightedness
• ·         Selfishness
• ·         add your own

My need to be superior

• ·         Pride
• ·         Inconsiderateness
• ·         Inability to celebrate the gifts of another
• ·         Thinking that the world revolves around me
• ·         Self-centeredness
• ·         Disdain for others
• ·         Bigotry, prejudice
• 
  

Once we have acknowledged these things, could it be possible that they are at the root of those people or situations that we find it hard to forgive? If so, admit them to God and to yourself, and it also helps if you admit these things to another human being either in confession or in private conversation.

Then, having invoked Gods’ endless mercy and his overwhelming grace, wait in patience for the situation to resolve itself. You probably need to do nothing other than eventually speak words of forgiveness to someone you had previously found it so hard to forgive.

Tough work, but well worth the effort.

God bless you! Have a wonderful weekend!